A Selfless Marriage
The Deeper in Love You Fall, the Less You Care About Having Your Own Way
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My husband and I will soon be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary, and I can hardly believe how quickly time has flown by. Looking back, I’m amazed by how much we’ve grown—both individually and as a couple. Marriage has refined us, matured us, and shown us what it truly means to love selflessly.
I still remember our honeymoon when we met an older couple celebrating their own wedding anniversary. Naturally, they had plenty of wisdom to share with us as newlyweds. But one piece of advice stood out and has stayed with us ever since - when having disagreements, consider this simple question to help move you to forward:
“Do you want to be right, or do you want to reconcile?”
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The Wisdom of Reconciliation Over Being Right
That simple question shifted our entire perspective.
In marriage, it’s easy to get caught up in being “right” — to prove a point, defend your feelings, or win an argument. But when we prioritize being right over being reconciled, we risk sacrificing peace, harmony, and unity in our home.
Over time, we realized that too often we were fighting each other instead of fighting the problem together. It took a few years (and many unproductive arguments 😅), but we finally learned that true communication requires humility.
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Choosing Humility and Selflessness in Marriage
Learning to communicate effectively in marriage takes work.
It takes asking yourself hard questions like:
• Is this issue really worth the fight?
• Am I truly seeing things from my spouse’s perspective?
• How can I express my feelings without making my spouse feel attacked or disrespected?
When we started focusing on understanding each other rather than defending ourselves, our marriage shifted. Our communication improved, arguments became fewer, and conversations became more productive.
We stopped fighting to be “right” and started striving to reconcile wisely.
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A Revelation About Love
Through that process, God revealed something deeper to us:
“The deeper in love you fall, the less you care about having your own way.”
When you truly love someone, you care less about proving your point and more about maintaining peace.
Love humbles you. It teaches you to come in grace rather than pride, to seek understanding over control, and to find unity over division.
That kind of love mirrors the love of Christ — selfless, patient, and enduring.
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Love, Alignment, and God’s Design
A marriage aligned with God’s will reflects His character. It’s built on selflessness, humility, and grace.
Our walk with God is mirrored in how we treat one another, especially in marriage. When we love God deeply, it naturally flows into how we love our spouse.
As Amos 3:3 says:
“Can two walk together except they be agreed?”
To truly walk together, we must be in agreement — not just with each other, but also in alignment with God.
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Reflecting the Love of Jesus in Marriage
When we love Jesus “real good,” it transforms how we love others. His example reminds us that love is sacrificial, forgiving, and steadfast.
Ask yourself:
• Are others able to see Jesus in how I love my spouse?
• Does my marriage reflect the covenant love God has with His people?
I want to love God so deeply that I become more like Him — in my words, my actions, and my love. That’s what strengthens a marriage through both the good and the hard seasons.
I’m forever grateful for that couple we on our honeymoon and the wisdom they shared. I’m grateful for how God continues to teach and transform us as we grow in love, grace, and alignment with Him.
Because the truth is — the deeper in love you fall, the less you care about having your own way.
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💛 Reflect
What lessons has God taught you about love and humility in marriage?
Share your thoughts in the comments or with someone who might need this encouragement today.
And if this message blessed you, subscribe to my blog for more reflections on faith, family, and divine alignment — because every shift begins with God.
🤍 J. Leigh
